My name is Eric, a teacher and a husband. In the daytime, I teach and research. In the night-time, I rest and cook, and sometimes run and play music. Lately, I do research, teaching preps, proposals and plans. Cooking and running in the evening. Seven days a week.
I don’t mean to scare you, but I think my bedroom is haunted – just the bedroom, where my working desk is. I don’t see things; I hear things. Voices would creep in the moment I sit on the bed. Because of that, I haven’t been really sleeping – or not been sleeping well at best.
We say goodnight after a brief chat about her office gossips, as I wasn’t able to talk much after dinner. 1:30 a.m.
One voice slowly approaches, and lingers near my left ear, saying coldly, I bet you haven’t prepped that keynote recording for the online class. Loser. Another voice cuts him short, sneering into my right ear: Hush! Remember your priorities, traitor; have you met the 1,000 daily word count yet? Get up!
My lady makes her first turn. 2:45 a.m.
My eyes do not open, but I just lay wide awake, and can’t move – I don’t wanna move. This is when the voices get louder: ADD another activity in here with only seven steps. Breathe slowly. TRY THAT new approach to look at the texts. Focus on the exhale. REMEMBER TO SEND those files to May. Slow down. GET UP AT 7AM! I BET YOU CAN’T!
She grumbles and turns again. 3:15 a.m.
Very well. In pitch dark, I’m led to my desk, turning on the screen. I talk, in English with a thick accent, with a colleague, who seems to be in the dark abyss. I struggle to find words to articulate my thoughts clearly – too sleepy to care what I am talking about anyway. I sit in the classroom having an exam I have never prepared. My teeth suddenly get loose in my mouth and fall out, but I don’t feel pain at all. The streets are bright and crowded, and I don’t know where I am, walking stark naked. I reach the edge of the stairs, and fall infinitely… the church bell rings from afar.
Zoe asks me to make space so that she can get off the bed. 8:00 a.m. I can’t remember whether I have had any sleep at all. But anyway, the first thing I do in my office is making myself an espresso, turn Spotify on, and listen to Bill Conti’s “Gonna Fly Now” – that Rocky tune if you ask – put on a smiling and energetic face, and walk into the classroom, for I am Eric, a teacher and a researcher (in the daytime).
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