The Third “Rule”: Writing Groups

Are There Really Only 2 Rules of Writing? The short answer is: Yes. The long answer is: Well…

Shall we get into it?

The reason we start with 2 rules of writing is that I want the word ‘rule’ to mean something. It’s not a helpful hint; it’s not a suggestion. If you do this, you’re writing; if you don’t do this, you’re not writing. It’s almost impossible that you are writing and not making mistakes. And if you’re not finishing a project (according to your definition of ‘finished’… there are works that authors chose to publish unfinished, like Coleridge’s Kubla Khan) then… I don’t know. Nine times out of ten that’s a case of letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.

But beyond those two rules, there are many other rule-like guidelines. You don’t technically need to abide by them, but they help. They help a helluva lot.

Writing Partners and Writing Groups… Why?

The first and perhaps most important is: “Find/create a community.” I wanted to make this one of the rules. Boy did I want to. I don’t really know anyone who is a practiced writer, let alone a successful one, who is an actual loner. I, who thought of myself as a loner for years, only really blossomed as a writer once I started sharing my work with people and accepting the vulnerability that came with that. 

But imagine if I listed that as a rule. It just wouldn’t work. I want my interactions with other writers to be positive and supportive. And if I were in a dark place and looking at starting to write as a way to increase my marketability or sense of personal satisfaction (or both), the LAST thing I would want is for Rule #3 to be “You must make friends.” So no. It’s not a rule; it’s a suggestion. But let’s say you’re reading this far because you are either at the point where you’re hitting a rut or you’re the person who likes to look ahead down the road a bit. As you grow as a writer, you’ll want someone to share your writing with.

Your fellow writers are your first line of defense against burnout, writer’s block, impostor syndrome, and other writerly ailments. You may think: “I don’t want a bunch of people judging my writing.” No of course you don’t. But that’s not what you’re going to get from a writing partner or group (and if that’s what you get, that’s on them. Get out of that toxic situation as soon as you can and don’t spare any feelings in doing so). A good writing partner or group, like good criticism, is constructive. It’ll build you up. You’ll say: “I wrote this and I don’t like it.” Your writer-friends will point out: “there’s something worthwhile here and here and here.” Or they might say: “I see why you’re not satisfied with it, but have you tried…”

It’s really a wonderful feeling sharing your writing with people who are invested in your growth as a writer. And more than that, it’s a network for you to rely on when you decide to take your work to the next level, whatever that level may be.

How to Find a Writing-Group (or -Partner)

So let’s focus on how to find writer-friends. Because let’s say you’re reading around on this website, considering how to start writing, either as a business asset or a hobby, and you encounter this article. So now you’ve seen the third “rule” (that’s not really a rule). And it’s bothering you. I don’t want to be the sort of person who gives you rules (or even “rules”) without giving you tips on how to live by them.

So what to do? How to meet your fellow writers?

The simplest answer to the question (if you’re on this website anyway) is to send us a message. Click on the ‘contact’ button and say something like: “Hi, I’m trying to write stuff. It’s going [well/ok/poorly]. I’m looking for people to exchange work with, talk about the process with,” and so on. Another option is to go to our Facebook group and do the same thing. 

You can also go to friends who are writers, or who write casually. Do you know someone who keeps a journal? Someone who writes fanfiction? Someone who writes stories but never really mentions sending them for publication? Or maybe you know a professional writer–a novelist or journalist, for example, or even a lawyer–but you’ve always been too intimidated to talk to them about their writing-process.

What if You’re not Ready?

If you’re not ready to engage, that’s fine, too! Erika has given me permission to tell you that when I invited her to join the writing group I was a part of, her first reaction was: “But I haven’t written anything. I don’t have anything to share.” And what I told her was: it’s not that kind of group. That kind of group exists–high pressure, high production. It works for some people. But other types of groups exist, too, in which you just sit together (via social media or phone) and write. So I’ll tell you the same thing I told Erika. We have writing groups. No experience necessary. Come join us!

That line worked over the phone. It might not work in an article, because articles lack that human element. So what to do if you read my heartfelt invitation and say: “Still no. Still not ready.” That’s ok, too. 

You can read these posts as they come out and try to get inspiration from them. You can work on your own stuff for as long as you want and then when you show up on our Facebook page (or on your writer-friend’s doorstep) you can announce that you have some stories written and you’d like to do an exchange. I’m not saying you have to have stuff to share to join our website. It’s more that there are people who will feel they have to. And no amount of my saying otherwise will change how they feel. So my message to you is: ok! If you need to go off on your own for a bit, then by all means, go off on your own for a bit! We’ll be here when you’re ready.

Find What Works for You

The point is to do what works for you. And the way to find what works is to make mistakes. Erika wrote yesterday about how being in a writing group for many, many months was a good idea for her. What she didn’t write is that I was in the same writing group, but left much sooner. I just wasn’t getting writing done. I kept up with the people in the writing group; I just didn’t write with them anymore.

That’s the flip-side of “Make mistakes.” Making mistakes is great. It’s freeing. It’s good for your imagination, for your soul. So many good ideas start as mistakes. And so many good ideas develop in the course of the revision process, in other words, the mistake was the larval stage and then they went through the chrysalis of revision (is that too corny? I don’t care). But the key is that you have to be able to recognize them for what they are.

In my case, the writing group was great for a couple months. And then it stopped being an effective use of my time and energy. Had I not recognized that I was no longer benefiting from attending that writing group, I might still be there, and what purpose would that serve? Still, I’m glad I joined it, and glad I was a part of it for as long as I was. I have a lot more confidence in my writing as a result of that group. When you allow yourself to make mistakes you also allow yourself to change your mind. And that means accepting that what works today will not necessarily work tomorrow.

Knowing what you need is really hard. Being your own advocate is even harder. But you know what helps with all of that? A little community of people who, in addition to sharing writing, will talk through things with you, without judging or getting offended. That can be a difficult thing to find. But we are out there.

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